hacilar666

My surgery is in two days and I am terrified. I am scared it will be canceled, that the money won't be available. I'm scared of recovery, but mostly I'm tired of waiting. I want to be sliced open and I want to be able feel something in my fingers. I have made a list of things I can't do and will be able to do after I heal from the surgery. These are things I am excited to get back.

Things I Can't Do:
Button jeans
clasp bra
feel my boyfriend's skin
open jars
not drop things
clip Robin's nails
electrical work
crochet

I am an apprentice electrician now. I will need surgery for carpal tunnel in July. and I am very interested in self-sufficient housing like Hockerton Housing Projectand Earthships.

Hello ALL!

I have been long gone from livejournal, but this weekend I made gluten free banana bread and it was delecious. My grandmother's recipe with some tweaks (for the gluten free part.)I am applyting to an electrical internship and I really want it so cross your fingers and hope for me please.

Banana Bread

Cream together:
1/2c Butter
1c sugar

Add to eggs, mix well. Add 1tsp lemon juice and 1 1/2c banana goosh, mix.

Combine the dry ingredients:
1c brown rice flour
1/2c tapioca flour
1/2c amaranth flour
2 tsp xantum gum
1 1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp baking powder

Add to banana mixture and stir just until combined.
Bake 350 degrees for 2 hours.

I just put a nuc into our only hive. It went well. I forgot everything about how to feed them and whatnot...so I re-read the books. I'm making sugar candy to put on top of the frames and I will have a boardman feeder after a trip to the store for some corn syrup. Its noce having bees again. I want to plant some wildflowers that will help the bees feat this spring.

my head hurts. I want to go home.

the power just came back on here. I was really bored. tomorrow I will be in seattle and you people who live over there should call me or pick me up and we''l do something. yay

The roads are really slick from the snow and I spun out and hit a tree and possibly a fence. and the tree fell over on the hood of my car. but the car and I am fine. The bumper is a little dented but I didn't even break a headlight. I'm very glad I was in the cadillac.

yay thanksgiving is over and my mom only one mini panic attack. It was all very calm and familiar which is nice. and I didn't have to talk to any relatives on the phone which is yay. Also my nutritionist gave me some great ideas that helped menot eat till I puked. so I still have a corner of my stomach that prevents inteernal combustion. go me. I am inexplicably sad though. maybe because I didn't use my light this morning. I will tomorrow.

my shoulder hurts. I think I pulled something. I'm going to go sulk in the tub now

I was totally loopy with my last client and now I feel all bleh.

and my mom was screaming at my dad earlier. she was using her overreaction voice...so something is up...must watch my toes this weekend.

and there is a weird sore on my arm which looks like the flea bites I thought I was getting, but this one is bigger and definitely not a flea bite...so maybe its a hive? my ninja allergy strikes again? it is worrisome.

I am mildly worried about how thanksgiving will go with the nutritionist. I hope to be able to partake in the festivities...I can modify some things...like cauliflower mash potatoes, sugar free cranberry sauce...stuffing though...is not replacable. I could make it with whole wheat bread...but honestly its just not the same. stuffing is my favorite part. I should eat the turkey. I'm not a fan meat in general actually, unless its disguised in seasoning and processing like sausage or ham. but yeah thanksgiving isn't the same without dressing.

I have seen a personal trainer and am currently seeing a nutritionist. and I have gained one pound because I am totally wigging out about controlling my food choices. for some reason I have a total mental block about this and I'm completely sabotaging myself. I'm doing everything I know I shouldn't and nothing I know I should even though I was doing most things fairly alright before I started looking at the reality of my food choices. My mom used to get all sad and hurt if I didn't eat seconds of what she served and then yell at me for being fat and eating too much...but seriously I'm 23. I need to get over it. I'm trying, but week 1 was a bomb.

I have another appt tomorrow and I'm afraid I'm going to cry. I hate crying in front of people. especially when honestly its not that big of a deal. I yell at myself for every little thing I do. and that is not helping. I feel like eating at all is bad. if anything goes in my mouth I'm a bad person. so I decided to fuck the whole thing and eat tons to stick it to the man or whatever...but uh..I made myself sick and unhappy...so week one I guess is realization and facing truth...but not exazctly measurable progress.

I am gaining muscle. I love my muscles. Sometimes I move and I'm like awwww...look at that indentation between my muscles....lets admire that for a moment shall we....and I'm a narcisistic queen for the first time since ever. I love it. and I have a waist. no seriously.

ARghhh. I got dumped for an orthodontist appt, so now I'm sitting here being lame. I'm really annoyed with little kids. They are loud and chaotic. and they don't listen to me. I made a book shelf last weekend. its gluing currently, so hopefully next weekend I can take it out of the clamps and nail it. The boards are really warped, which is why I'm leaving it clamped for so long.

I have been keeping a food catalogue for the nutritionist I'll be seeing. I do not eat nearly as well as I thought I did. I'm liking my diet though. I'm feeling better overall and I feel like I'm taking care of myself. I have succesfully given up noodles during the week, but the weekends are still hard for me. I allow myself more leeway because its harder to find options, but then when I have the option of good things, I don't always, make the right choice. It has made me aware of the foods that I eat, and that in itself is insentive to make good choices. I am accountable to the paper.

yesterday learned that catholics can't have sex with anyone after divorce. even if they are remarried. that was pretty bad.

There is a hot girl at the gym. She went to high school with me and I thought she was hot then too, but I only talked to her once because I'm a big dork. She was going to the gym over the summer and then stopped for a while. I saw her again today. and damn she's hot. she has an amazing ass and a really pretty face with roman features. ...but what do I say? "Hi I had a crush on you in high school and I'm keeping tabs on your gym attendance, but I'm not a stalker really...." god. I'm such a bad lesbian. How am I ever going to find a wife if I can't even talked to girls. *ded*

last night my cat killed a squirrel, a vole and an intestines. he left them in a row on the carpet. that was what I got to see when I went downstairs to get food just now. He is a terror. our neighbors have a squirrel that they feed and are fond of. I really hope it wasn't him.

I saw genay this weekend. She seems much happier and is back on meds. I helped her mom make shelves and put together an old bouncy horse. I also went to talk to UW about why I didn't get into the engineering department. and I got a lot of non answers and a few contacts. I need to email the lady in charge of admissions. I already emailed her before I applied and she didn't respond the first time...so I'm a little discouraged. I'm thinking a different school might be in order. I feel like I'm not getting any help. and I don't want to go to work. not at all

Why does everyone think I'm fragile and can't walk in heels. For the record I hate wicked. seriously

I got a haircut. from a girl david simon knows. She had a mohawk. I think its cute. I wasn't going for cute, but I think its inevitable. I'm doomed to be cute no matter what I do. oh well

I watched Wizards for the first time. It was predicatably propagandistic. The illustrative choices were fun, but the plot and moral was stale. This weekend I saw my grandma and went to salmon days and bought some clothes. My grandma kept talking about how she was going to die and what big hassle that would be for us, what with all her files and such. stupid grandma. Salmon days was a blast. I'd never been and it was fun spending time with jen and her family. Her mom asked me which of two girls I thought was more attractive. Clothes shopping was emotional. I had dropped two pant sizes, but I felt I was losing a part of my identity by wearing nice clothes and being thinner. I do want to be healthy and I don't want to die or try to deal with complications later in life. Changing my entire lifestyle is a bitch thouigh. and its stressing me more than I realize sometimes. I more teary than usual and my patients is wearing thin. But I know it will be worth the transition once I make the process a habit.